


You have to let him

by CJS_DEPPendent



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Spoilers for Season 5, post 5x10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 13:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13571934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJS_DEPPendent/pseuds/CJS_DEPPendent
Summary: 'No matter what happens, I’ll take care of you,' she’d promised him that years ago; what seemed like a lifetime ago.





	You have to let him

**Author's Note:**

> I can only apologize. I did not plan to write this, it just happened.

_Hard choices are coming. I need you to make this one. For me._

_Coulson is dying._

_You have to let him._

_I’m dying, Melinda._

_I’m sorry._

_He’ll bring the pieces together, but he will die, Mom_.

* * *

 The words swirled through her mind on a loop. Robin had told her. Elena had told her. Phil had begged her to accept it.

Standing there, looking at the shell of the man she loved lying, somewhere between consciousness and death, she continued to struggle with the decision they’d made.

_The team makes one decision. And it ruins everything._

They were trying to change the future. Trying to prevent what they knew happened, time and time again. They’d agreed this was the only way forward. To prevent Jemma and Mack’s death, to prevent Daisy destroying the world, to save humanity, they must let him go.

Daisy had wanted to fight. Fitzsimmons had poured over books and computers and formulas. Mack had sat stoic beside Elena, torn between what he knew they had to do and what he owed the man. May had retreated.

She’d lost him before. She’d sat at his funeral, watched another woman receive the flag that had covered his coffin. She’d sat on the floor of her apartment until Maria forced her away from the whiskey and into the shower.

She’d been here before. But this time he wouldn’t return. This time goodbye would be forever.

His shallow attempt at a cough brought her back to the present. In quick, swift strides, she was at his side, his head in her arms as she offered him water, attempted to soothe the suffering that had lasted far too long already.

“Th—thank you,” he breathed, his voice hoarse, cracked and unsteady as she set him back against the pillows.

It took everything in her not to flee, not to fight, not to scream. He was dying, before her very eyes, and she could do nothing but watch. Help ease the pain; help soothe the suffering she could not protect him from.

“You’re ok,” she smiled, knowing he could no longer see much more than her overall expression.

“I’m—sorry,” he breathed as his eyes drifted shut. He kept apologizing, but none of this was his fault.

“Shh,” she soothed, lying beside him, a hand on his chest, cursing the spreading poison beneath her fingers.

“Go—“ he didn’t have the strength to say anymore. Every night he tried to send her away, and every night she remained, steadfast, at his side.

 _No matter what happens, I’ll take care of you_.

She’d promised him that years ago; what seemed like a lifetime ago. And while she couldn’t save him, couldn’t spare him the suffering and the agony, she could keep her promise – she could take care of him.

“No,” she replied softly, her fingers tightening over his chest, the same reply she’d given him every night since they’d moved from base.

They’d all agreed that she would stay, and that no one was to visit. It would be easier on everyone that way. So it had been weeks since they’d last seen any of the team, since they’d last seen another person, really. May would not leave Phil’s side, and Phil could no longer move.

“I’m s-- so sorry,” he breathed again, a tear slipping out the corner of his eye, Melinda’s heart breaking that little bit more at the sight.

“Its not your fault,” she attempted to sooth him.

“I s- should have—“ the coughing returned, and immediately she was there, holding his head up, easing him through it.

“Shh,” she breathed as she closed her own eyes against the pain of what she knew he wanted to say. What he’d said every night since the end became clear.

He was sorry. He should have told her. He loved her. He was sorry.

Easing him back down once more and curling beside him, May took a deep breath and settled her head beside his.

“I know, Phil,” she spoke softly beside his cheek, “I love you, too,” she closed her eyes, knowing he couldn’t see her, fighting back the tears that came every night as she reminded him of the one thing that had not changed – that would _never_ change.

They fell asleep beside each other, a small, weak smile on his lips at her words. His breathing never quite evened out – it didn’t anymore – as hers settled into the steady rhythm of sleep, and as the hours ticked away, the only sounds in her childhood home were the sounds of their breaths, his ragged, hers soft and steady.

She’d said she’d earned a night in her own bed; this had not been what she’d meant.  But if it was all she could have, if this moment with him was all she would get, she would take it.

* * *

In the morning, the house was still. Silent. The only sound as she awoke her own breathing.

He was gone.

Picking up her phone, she walked out of the room, leaning her back against the wall beside the door as she hung her head.

“Daisy?” her voice cracked even before the younger woman could reply.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm... sorry?


End file.
